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maystoneThis hit me like a bolt of lightning this evening, but unfortunate planning means I'm not writing it until after I took the meds and Irish liquer. Anway.
I lost myself these last few years. Forgot who I was when I left the States to come up. How tough I was. How tough I am. I beat repeated sexual assualts as a child. I beat parents who raised me to be their private possession, indoctrinated that no one would want me, for me not to want anyone and that that was not what I was born for anyway. I was theirs. Always. I beat poverty and homelessness and mental depression. I fought my way back from the outer edges and the dead ends, and I worked my ass off to see myself as whole and worthwhile and bright and a winner. I put myself through two of the finest universities in the country; one of them among the finest universities in the world. With honors and awards. I created my life. My life, and I was successful in all of the ways that mattered to me.
I've lost a lot of that, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let that go on. I'm more than this disease. I am more than these circumstances. I have a shit load of barriers to overcome, but fuck it all if I don't try. Damn me if I don't try.
I lost myself these last few years. Forgot who I was when I left the States to come up. How tough I was. How tough I am. I beat repeated sexual assualts as a child. I beat parents who raised me to be their private possession, indoctrinated that no one would want me, for me not to want anyone and that that was not what I was born for anyway. I was theirs. Always. I beat poverty and homelessness and mental depression. I fought my way back from the outer edges and the dead ends, and I worked my ass off to see myself as whole and worthwhile and bright and a winner. I put myself through two of the finest universities in the country; one of them among the finest universities in the world. With honors and awards. I created my life. My life, and I was successful in all of the ways that mattered to me.
I've lost a lot of that, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let that go on. I'm more than this disease. I am more than these circumstances. I have a shit load of barriers to overcome, but fuck it all if I don't try. Damn me if I don't try.
